Are there rules in dating

For generations
Women have dated according to the
dating rules created by men.

They are always waiting for a man
to choose them, to want them. From
what I see we women spend most of
our time tiptoeing around men’s feelings
not being true about what we truly want. We sit quietly just hoping that he wants the same things as you. Apparently men are not comfortable with woman who are open about wanting marriage. I for one do not understand why because I think if I’m honest from the word go about what I want then we both save one another’s time.

Why can we not just ask the questions
we truly want to know the answers of, like do you want children or do you want to be married, do you want a house in city or would you move when your career gives you an opportunity.

I think it is unfair that we know what we want but we keep quiet because we do not want to scare him off so we wait praying that everything works out in our favour.

Balance

As I get older
I am learning more and more
about the importance of balance
in life.

Life is not just about
survival, life is meant to be
lived and explored. To find
joy and beauty in the mystery of everything.
Most importantly to love.

We all want to leave our mark
On this earth but we must not
forget to leave a mark on those
we love.

Inam_ngqekete

Their love

He spoke of her
like an artist discribing his muse,
An inspiration of all things good in life. He looked at her as if she was a beautiful, mysterious piece of art.

She spoke of him like he was the
lord of her world, her very own knight in shining Armour. She often referred to him as “beautiful man”; I could not help but wonder what is it that she found beautiful about this man. Everything she said, it is the way his mind works that captivates me, it is the way he moves that intrigues me, it is the beauty of his soul that draws me to him and his outlook on life that keeps me interested.

They said it is the good the bad and the ugly that we let each see that reassures us that we are meant for each other.

Inam Ngqekete

Cheers to mothers

I wanted to light a candle
for my deceased mother but then
It felt wrong, I wanted to
visit her grave and cry myself
to eternity; Then I realised these
are all the things I did from the moment
she passed crying myself to sleep begging
God to heal me, asking for Guardiance on how to live this life without her.

My prayers have been answered.
I am now finding my own way in life.
I am at a place where I can remember
her laughter and kind eyes without falling
apart. I can now look at old photographs and feel the warmth of her love. When I’m
confused and lost I think about what she would do if she was in my situation.

I have now come to realise
that a mother’s job is never finished
deceased or alive they pave the way
for us. The is comfort in knowing that
you have a guardian angel that will never leave you.

Keep believing

I often preach
about trusting the universe
but I sometimes too have my
doubts and panick when things
do not go as planned.

They say fear is a stealer of joy
and I cannot tell you how many
times my own fear stole my
Joy because more often than I would like
to admit I let fear and anxiety consume me
but with all of that said the universe has
proven to be truthful. Dreams do come true
and desires are fulfilled it may not be in the exact time you want but trust me when I say it will come through in the time of need.

Let me emphasize
Keep your faith!
Believe in yourself!
Believe in your dreams
For the stars will align even for you.

Inam_, Ngqekete

Dear guardian

I wanted to keep you by my side
for all the good you have done for me
but sadly we grew up apart or should I say
I grew up into a woman with her own vision, I’m no longer the little girl that lived by your rules and lived to make you proud. It saddens me that my growth is not what you hoped it would be, that I am not the woman you imagined I would become. It is unfortunate that I’m on this journey without you but I guess it is one of those routes I have to travel alone and live for me to make myself proud. Sometimes I wish you could hear me out take a moment of your time to
truly understand who I am.
Thank you for being there for me
when no one else was, thank you
for taking me in when no one else
would. I will always carry you with me
but it is time I find my own way.

Moments of clarity

Finding yourself isn’t always pretty,
Sometimes the truth about yourself
isn’t always pretty, that moment of clarity
does not always hit you at the right moment, sometimes you learn the truth
about who you are but find it hard to accept maybe because you find some sort of comfort in the person you thought you were.

The truth stares you right in front of your
eyes and you do not know what to do with it, oh hell you do not know what to do with yourself, you discover things about you and you realise all this time you were lost.

How do pick up the pieces again?
How long will it take to figure yourself out this time?
How do you fall in love with the woman you have just realised you are now?
What do you do when reality hits you so hard it feels like your world has crushed down right in front of your eyes and you had no clue it was shaking?

Is self love equal to self worth

I fell inlove with myself
Then I fell inlove with life
After I fell inlove with living.
For so long I lived in fear, fear of
loving, fear of being hurt, fear of failing
and fear of the unknown. So many things
are out of my control and I just realised that
is okay too, I don’t have to be in control all the time. Sometimes letting life take you where it wants you to be is the best thing you can do for yourself.

It is the love I had for myself that stopped me from chasing things that are not meant for me, things that disturb my peace and leave my soul feeling empty.

Sometimes selfcare is simply
just watching the sunset after
a hot summer day, taking a long walk
in the afternoon for a moment to yourself and a little bit of fresh air. Sometimes it is taking a long nap in the middle of day and rest, it is okay to just let your mind wonder into nothing; to be lost in your thoughts while thinking about nothing and everything at once.

Power of emotions

A wise person once said never make decisions based on your emotions. It is amazing yet scary that one minute you can be screaming love for a person seeing nothing but the angel in them claiming that their presence gives you some sort of joy, that their eyes speak to you in ways no one else can understand but it is scary how quickly they can change because in the next minute all those emotions vanish as if they were never there and the angel you once saw now looks like the devil dressed in red and now when you look into those eyes you were so mesmerized by all you see are the lies hidden behind them.

Self discovery

The good in goodbye

I use to listen to music we shared with one another and feel a little bit sad, I guess the music reminded me of what we shared once open a time when I believed in the possibility of us. The flames of our love or lust or whatever it was could have set the whole city on fire but I guess I should have known that we would end before we even truly begin because everything that burns turns into ashes.
I look back now and realise we were just two lost souls that told each other sweet lies to ease what we were both feeling. I find it weird how I look back now and say a short prayer thanking the heavens that we did not work out because we could have burned ourselves until there was nothing left ;holding on to something that left us feeling empty.

Look at the woman you are now.

Between looking back at the woman that I was a few chapters ago and trying my best to become the woman I think I am meant to be I ended up neglecting the woman that I am now.

She needs to be acknowledged because she is just as important. For the first time I actually see her, how much she has grown, how her character has changed most of all I love the fact that she is now more open to life because looking back that is all I wanted. I have fallen inlove with her and all that she is.